The Ever Changing Idea of Love
by Patronusdoe
Summary: Sirius Black's idea of falling in love was simple, he'd once told his best friend: "Prongs, I don't think love is only about romance, or sappy poetry or magnanimous gestures. When I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust without that person being around, I'll know what I am feeling is love." Vignettes from Sirius Black's journey as he discovers the many facets of love.
1. 8 years old

**The Ever Changing Idea of Love**

Summary: Sirius Black's idea of falling in love was simple, he'd once told his best friend: "Prongs, I don't think love is only about romance, or sappy poetry or magnanimous gestures. When I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust without that person being around, I'll know what I am feeling is love." Vignettes from Sirius Black's journey as he discovered the many facets of love.

Disclaimer: I'm not Jo, the world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.

 **8 years old.**

At 8 years old, Sirius Black's idea of love was unexpected. It came from a dark, damp place filled with boggarts and other fearful creatures and it most certainly had something to do with his upbringing. At 8 years old, Sirius Black knew he liked his Father, tolerated his Mother and loved his little brother Regulus.

Sirius noticed that his Mother and Father never did have anything even remotely affectionate to say to him, mostly because as Mother had once said, "It is awfully plebeian. Those of the right sort don't go around declaring their _love_ for each other. It is best left to the muggle lovers."

Though he knew that Regulus loved him very much. Why, just few days ago, following one of his Mother's famous temper tantrums where she had blasted yet another relative off the family tapestry; Regulus had crawled into Sirius' bed in the middle of the night, one trembling hand clutching his stuffed Basilisk toy and another dragging his blanket along. Sirius, who even at 8 years old was an awfully light sleeper, had woken up and slowly made place for his brother to lie down beside him.

"Mother blasted Great Aunt Ophelia off the family tree, Siri," Regulus had whispered in the dark, "does that mean she isn't our Aunt any more?"

Sirius, who had often seen his mother sit, on that obnoxiously ornate chair in the tapestry room, and idly contemplate which relative to blast off the family tree next, all the while tapping her wand on the arm of her chair in what, Sirius knew, was her 'thinking posture', was certain that Great Aunt Ophelia didn't deserve this vitriol (she was the only person apart from Cousin Andy and Uncle Alphard he looked forward to meeting at Christmas). He however didn't say that to Regulus. His brother was too young to understand that. Instead he simply hugged his little brother and whispered back, "Family is always just that, family. No silly curse and a burnt tapestry would change that, Reggie."

"So you mean that like when Mother keeps saying that she is going to disown you for all your pranks, even if she were to do that, you'd still be my brother right?"

"Silly Reggie. I'll always be your brother."

"Promise me, Siri."

"Promise."

Regulus had smiled, his eyes drooping slowly as sleep started to creep over him again. Just before he succumbed to his sleep he had whispered, "Thank you, Siri. For letting me sleep here. I love you."

For 8-year-old Sirius Black, love was about making promises you would always keep.

But that would change. Eventually. He just didn't know it yet.


	2. 11 years old

Disclaimer: I'm not Jo, the world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.

 **11 years old.**

Sirius Black's eleventh birthday started pretty much like every other of his birthdays. He woke up, got dressed, ate breakfast, pranked Kreacher (a birthday tradition), played a game of Wizards Chess with his younger brother Regulus (who was now too old to be called Reggie), and over tea, had a long and tedious discussion with his Father about traditions, customs and what it meant to be the heir to The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

Later, as he dragged his feet away from his father's study to get ready for the family dinner to be held that night, Sirius reflected that except for the excitement that came with his Hogwarts letter, his eleventh birthday was nothing worth remembering.

Oh, how wrong he was.

* * *

A loud disbelieving gasp from his mother was the only warning he had. Sirius was busy trying to stealthily steal the piece of cake from Regulus' plate and had therefore not paid attention to the discussion on the other end of the large dining table. Upon hearing his mother gasp, his mission forgotten, Sirius turned his attention to his the other end of the dining table just in time to catch his cousin Bellatrix's furious incoherent exclamations. Everyone sitting on the table except for Regulus – who looked curious, his Uncle Alphard – whose face was blank, Cousin Andromeda – who looked equal parts defiant and scared and Sirius himself seemed to be stuck in various stages of fury and/or disappointment.

Confused, Sirius nudged Regulus with his elbow but before his brother could say anything he heard his Cousin Andromeda speak, "I do not expect any of you all to accept this. In fact, I'd be rather surprised if you'll did. But it is the truth. I merely wished to inform you all of my choice. Oh, and Bella dear, please do cease your incessant mumbling, it is highly unbecoming and quite frankly, it makes you seem unhinged."

The effect of his cousin's words was one Sirius would remember for the rest of his life.

Bella tried to reach for her wand only to be stopped by her younger sister Narcissa.

His Mother stormed out of the room, most of the other adults hot on her heels. (Sirius presumed to blast his cousin off the family tapestry).

Narcissa slowly took Bella out of the room, levying Andromeda with a cold glare and pulling Regulus with her on her way out. She gestured to Sirius to follow her as well, but Sirius stayed put.

Andromeda's mother, Aunt Druella stood up stoically and said, "I trust you know you're no longer welcome at our house. I just hope the Mudblood is worth it, and all the shame you have brought to this noble family" before storming out of the room.

Eventually, the only remaining people in the room were Sirius and his favourite cousin.

"Andy, what happened?" Sirius asked uncertainly.

"I'm getting married, Sirius. To Ted Tonks," Andromeda answered, her eyes suspiciously bright.

"Ted Tonks, that _friend_ of yours from Hufflepuff?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Sirius was still confused.

"Because I love him, Siri. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him." Andromeda answered. Sirius could see tears running down her cheeks and moved closer.

"So why did they all get this furious?" Sirius asked. He didn't know much about love, or marriage, or what one had to do with another. He knew his cousin Bellatrix was betrothed to Rodolphus Lestrange, but he was certain Bella didn't love him. In fact, he was sure Bella didn't know how to love anyone.

Andromeda laughed a hollow dull laugh. "He is not a Pureblood, or a Slytherin. And as a result, I am now disowned," she snorted, before her expression softened, "I'm sorry about this, Siri. I ruined your birthday dinner."

Sirius merely shrugged. "It's not your fault Andy. It is them who care about blood purity and all that rot. Besides," he added with a mischievous smirk on his face, "it was dead boring before all their drama started and you know how I love seeing Bella so mad that she's nearly incoherent."

Andromeda simply laughed and hugged her cousin tightly.

"Oh, Sirius!" she said, releasing him, "don't you ever change. And remember, I'm always going to be there for your, okay?"

Sirius nodded. "Are you sure this is the right thing, Andy?" he asked, concerned for his cousin.

"I have never been more certain about anything in my life, Siri. I love him. And for the sake of love, some sacrifices are worth it."

Sirius simply nodded once and then stood straighter and held his hand out, "In that case, I shall be seeing you soon, Miss Black. Do send me a wedding invite. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go harass Kreacher into giving me more of the cake."

He winked and walked out of the room.

As he walked towards the kitchen, 11-year-old Sirius Black realised that love meant not caring about blood purity, ancestry, house allegiance or any of the boring things his father had spoken with him about earlier that day.

It was for that very reason, he thought, that love seemed like a pretty wicked thing and he couldn't wait to fall in love.

And he would. Eventually. He just didn't know when.


	3. 13 years old

Disclaimer: I'm not Jo, the world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.

 **13 years old.**

James Potter knew everything about Love. Or at least more than the average second year Hogwarts student.

Fleamont and Euphemia Potter had everything they wished for but a child of their own. That was until their precious James was born. Mrs. Potter liked to call him her very own precocious little miracle. James, at an early age learnt that love was all things warm and beautiful. James knew that he loved his Mum for she gave him the warmest hugs and kisses. He knew she loved him back too because no matter what mischief he'd get into, his Mum would always look at him with warmth in her eyes and a smile (though it often belied her exasperation with him) on her face. James also knew that he loved his Dad for he always had the best advice for him, got him the best brooms and sneaked in seconds of deserts when his Mum wasn't looking (James though felt Mum knew when Dad did that, he'd more than once seen her lips twitch in amusement even when she wasn't looking in their direction). James knew his Dad loved him too, not because he said it often, James reckoned his Dad was too manly for that, but because his Dad's eyes held the same warmth as his Mum's and he would never miss a chance to affectionately ruffle James' hair or give his shoulder a supportive squeeze.

All in all, growing up, James had no shortage of love and affection. The Potter household was brimming with it and as a result, James, by the tender age of 12 understood more about love and most of its many forms than his other friends.

Which is why, James was the first of his friends to discover that Sirius' relationship with his family was less than perfect.

It started on the train back home at end of their first year. James noticed the worry in Sirius' eyes grow as they approached Kings Cross station. When James had asked Sirius about it, his best friend had merely brushed him off saying he was just hungry and tired. James of course could see through the lie.

Over the summer James vowed to himself that come second year, he'd keep a close eye on his friend. Slowly James began to notice the discrepancies. The lack of care packages or letters from home, the jeers and sneers thrown by the Slytherins, usually led by Bellatrix and Narcissa Black. Even though Sirius could hold his own against his cousins, James would notice the way his eyes would lose their joyous sparkle a little bit every time it happened.

It all came to a head during the winter holidays. Sirius had declined the chance of going home and despite James' multiple invitations to Potter Manor; Sirius had decided to spend Christmas at Hogwarts. James had returned back home and then proceeded to drive himself and his Mum mental with his worry over Sirius being alone against the Slytherins, especially since none of the second year Gryffindors except for Sirius had chosen to stay at Hogwarts. By the time Christmas Eve arrived, watching her son sulk and fret had finally driven Euphemia Potter to floo him to Hogwarts to check on his best friend.

James stepped out of the floo at his Head of House's office and without sparing her a glance he had rushed towards their dormitories at full speed where James found Sirius in the Gryffindor common room, staring moodily at the fire.

"Trying to find shapes in the flames, eh?" James asked, surprising Sirius who hadn't heard his friend come in.

Sirius jumped a little but recovered immediately, "Yea, reckon that one just looked like your hair in the mornings," Sirius stopped and glanced at James once before continuing "or now for that matter."

James laughed, made an offensive gesture and settled beside his friend on the couch.

"So, how's the quiet? Merlin, we Gryffindors are a noisy bunch. The common room hasn't ever been this quiet before."

Sirius though wasn't fooled by James' inane questions.

"What brings you to humble Hogwarts on this fine Christmas Eve, Potter? Shouldn't you be spending Christmas Eve with your family and loved ones and all that sentimental goo?" Sirius asked. Even though he was secretly pleased at not having to spend his evening alone, a part of him was angry. Angry with James for having leaving his family, one that would welcome him home during the holidays, to come and spend time here at Hogwarts and angry with himself for not having the same.

Sirius didn't voice his feelings, but James heard the bitterness in his friends' voice. "But I'm am, Black. With my family and loved ones and all that sentimental goo"

"What do you mean?" questioned Sirius.

"You're family too Sirius. You're my brother, even though we are not born off the same parents," James faltered for a moment, feeling suddenly insecure and weird about having an emotional conversation with his best mate, "I mean," he recovered, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "you've, no offence, got a bitter hag for a mother and bitter hags-in-training for cousins."

Sirius was grateful. He smirked at his best friend, "You forgot my other Troll-like relatives. But since you're new to the family, I'll forgive you. You'll meet them all eventually!"

James laughed and slung his arm around Sirius' shoulders. "So, what do you say, quit moping and come with me to Potter Manor? You can meet your fully sane family there. Besides, I'd die of boredom if I have to attend my parent's Winter Ball all by myself. Too much stuffiness is bad for my health. C'mon, lets floo from MacG's office."

Sirius threw his friend a faux haughty look, "For your information Potter, I brood, in the mysterious kind of way, I do not mope." He broke away with a bark like laugh and let James pull him towards the portrait hole. "Oi, what about permission?"

James just continued to pull Sirius along as he answered without looking back, "Don't worry. Mum will work it out. She's probably already waiting for us at MacG's office."

As Sirius let himself be dragged by his best friend he realised, for the first ever time, that family is not about blood. That there are two types of family; one that you're born into, are expected to follow, to love, to respect; and one that you find and you want to follow, to love, to respect and cherish forever.

It took a long time to happen, but at 13-years-old Sirius Black for the first ever time in his life, experienced love and he _loved_ it.

This, he silently promised himself, as his best friend, _no… brother,_ opened the door to Professor McGonagall's office and he caught a glimpse of Mrs. Potter's warm eyes and loving smile, he would strive to protect and cherish for the rest of his life.

For this is where he belonged. He felt like he was Home. And thus, Sirius Black's first real idea of love was born.

* * *

A/N:

James' parents names are derived from JKR's story on Pottermore detailing the history of the Potter Family


	4. 16 years old

Disclaimer: I'm not Jo, the world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.

 **16 years old.**

Walburga Black turned her steely eyes towards her eldest son who sat huddled in the corner, knees drawn up to his chest, arms wound around himself tightly in an effort to look as small as possible. Scared grey eyes looked up at her through a mass of wavy black hair. At times like these, Walburga wished her husband would simply let her slap some discipline and order into her son's thick head. Alas, but _no_ , Orion Black felt that corporal punishment wasn't suited to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. The Blacks were too refined to resort to such pedestrian means of discipline, and as a result Walburga was limited to yelling out threats at the offending 7-year-old.

Walburga took a deep breath, looked at her House Elf Kreacher standing by the door, missing her younger son hiding behind smug elf, and turned back to her eldest. "Werewolves Sirius?" she screeched, "You had the audacity to enter the library, look through the books hidden in the forbidden shelves only because you wanted to prove to little Regulus that Werewolves aren't monsters? The nerve. What were you thinking? I'm just glad Kreacher fetched me when he did."

Regulus, who heard his name being called out straightened, he wasn't _little_ , he wanted to tell his Mother just as much, but knew that right now it would only cause more trouble. Regulus turned to look at his brother instead.

Sirius looked up at his Mother, sat straighter and raised his chin stubbornly. "They are not monsters." His chin wobbled slightly as his Mother narrowed her eyes but he steeled himself further. "Uncle Alphard told me that they only turn so once a month, they're human otherwise. Reggie wouldn't listen to me, I tried to tell him that it was wrong of you to get that awful werewolf skin rug for the parlour. I _had_ to make him see."

Sirius wanted to tell his Mother how Regulus thought that Werewolves were monsters because the rug in the parlour wouldn't turn to human skin when the moon wasn't full, and therefore the beasts couldn't be human, but decided against it. He didn't want his brother to face his Mother's wrath.

Walburga Black took a minute to process the sheer insolence of the child sitting before her. Oh how she wished she could just magic him into obedience. Blasted Orion and his thrice blasted ideals. "I should set you lose around a Werewolf on the next full moon. Let that monster bite you and turn you into one of them. Then we'll see how much you sympathise with them" she spat. Behind her, Regulus' eyes widened in fear.

But Sirius stood, eyes narrowed, body taut. For a moment Walburga thought that he was going to pounce on her. But her son looked at her with an expression she had never seen on a child. "Then I'll simply bite you when I transform. We'll see how you still think of them as monsters."

Walburga was outraged.

Regulus, shocked.

Kreacher looked at Sirius with an expression so far reserved only for Muggles, Half-Bloods and Blood Traitors.

Sirius took that opportunity to sprint pass them all.

* * *

Years later, Walburga Black would reflect on that incident and wonder however did she hope for her eldest son to be a Slytherin. That behaviour was Gryffindor impertinence at it's very worst.

Years later, Padfoot would meet Moony; and on a particularly quiet full moon night, Sirius Black, lazing in his newly perfected Animagus form in a dilapidated little house, on the edge of Hogsmeade, would look at the lightly snoring Werewolf, restlessly prancing Stag and a hungry Rat chewing on the laces of a discarded shoe and feel a wave of pure affection and respect for each of them. Though a touch more admiration for the Werewolf. Padfoot would snort, thinking back to his argument with his Mother all those years ago, _take this, you old harpy, Werewolves are not monsters, they're just humans who, once a month need a little bit of support and love from their family and friends to get through a tough night._

At 16-years-old, Sirius Black realised that love sometimes meant having to grow fur and learning to walk on four legs instead of two.


	5. 17 years old

Disclaimer: I'm not Jo, the world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.

 **17 years old.**

It is no secret that a witch or wizard's seventeenth year is one of the most significant years of their life. It means more than just coming of age and being an adult. It meant no more restrictions on underage magic, apparition licences and firewhiskey.

For Sirius Black, the seventeenth year of his life was the year of firsts.

It was the first time he broke a promise. (One that he'd made to Regulus when they were children; about always being there for his little brother.)

It was the first time James and him got into an honest-to-Merlin argument and fought like teenage boys are known to. (It involved the Whomping Willow, Severus Snape, Remus, and a bunch of punches and curses were thrown in for good measure.)

It was the first time he felt bone deep fear and self-hatred. The kind that makes one want to run away and hide, or just weep like a baby. (All it took was James and Remus looking at him with distrust, and Albus Dumbledore with disappointment in their eyes)

It was also the first time he fell in love. (Not the kind of love he felt for James, or the rest of the Marauders, or even Mr. and Mrs. Potter. It was the kind of love James felt for Lily. Or his Cousin Andy felt for her husband Ted)

* * *

There was nothing unassuming about Sirius and Mary's relationship. By their fourth year, the whole Gryffindor tower was aware of Mary Macdonald's growing infatuation with Sirius Black. Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore, unknown to the rest of the school even had a little wager going on about which couple would get together first, James and Lily or Sirius and Mary. McGonagall won their little wager when Sirius, in true Sirius fashion asked Mary out at midnight on the day of the first Hogsmeade weekend of their sixth year. Sirius had climbed the staircase to the girls dormitories as Padfoot and had left a simple note at her bedside table:

 _Macdonald! You, Me, Hogsmeade? – S.B._

* * *

If anyone were to ask, Sirius Black would say that at the time he'd left the note, he had no idea that it would lead to him falling in love. Sure, he'd liked Mary enough to take her out to Hogsmeade, but that was mostly because she was one of the few girls who wasn't just pretty, but funny and intelligent as well.

One the other hand, if one were to ask the same to the rest of the Marauders, they'd, in their _humble_ (in James Potter's words) opinions would beg to differ. James Potter said saw it coming way before his friend did. "She was the only girl apart from my dear Lily, who could keep up with him, and Padfoot knows that my dear Lily is of course out of bounds. Besides, she matches him wit to wit, really, it was no surprise!"

Remus Lupin said there was an underlying sexual tension to their interactions that desperately needed to be addressed, for the sake of the rest of the tower, if not their own. "It was obvious really, and frankly a little disgusting even. It was like reading a Fifi LaFolle novel. I'm just glad we don't have to put up with them alternating between throwing barbs or sighing longingly at each other all the time now."

Peter Pettigrew thought it was just something Sirius needed to get out of his system. "Padfoot is not the type to settle down. Sure, he likes Mary for now, it is just because she's a Muggleborn and he's rebelling against everything the Black family stands for. I just think it is something he needs to get out and get done with."

* * *

Sirius sighed as he stared at Mary's retreating back. James, who was keeping an eye on his friend walked up to him and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Okay, Padfoot?" James asked, deciding to not comment on his friend's surprisingly shinny eyes.

"No" Sirius' response shocked James. His best friend had always been one to take comfort in humour and sarcasm. He knew the situation was way beyond salvation if Sirius wasn't resorting to his usual humorous remarks and sarcastic answers.

"What happened?" James asked, moving his hand from Sirius' shoulder and running it through his own hair as he leaned against the corridor wall. Sirius' behaviour was worrying. One minute Sirius and Mary were sitting in the common room with the rest of them and the next Mary had received an owl, read her letter and stormed out of the common room, Sirius at her heels.

"We broke up. She's leaving Hogwarts…"Sirius broke off, sighing for what he felt was the hundredth time in the last half hour. Leaning his head against the corridor's wall he closed his eyes and continued, "Mulciber and the Snakes' attack scared her parents. They're withdrawing her from Hogwarts, leaving Britain actually."

"Over one attack?" James asked, shocked at the news.

"No, her parents home was attacked last week. Fortunately, they weren't home so they were saved. Mary didn't even know about it until today. The Macdonald's are terrified, what with increasing attacks on Muggleborns. You know what the funny part is though, Prongs?" Sirius asked with a bitter laugh, "She didn't tell her parents about the attack on her, Pomfrey told McGonagall, who owled Mary's parents."

James nodded. He didn't know what to say or how to comfort his friend. The war, which had until then seemed distant, suddenly, seemed closer, more dangerous. He opened his mouth to attempt to comfort his friend but Sirius' next words shut him up.

"I'm in love with her, you know. I haven't even told her."

"Why did you break up then? You didn't need to. We're wizards, wherever she goes, surely you'd be able to meet her and talk to her?" The question was out of James' mouth before he could even fully process Sirius' proclamation.

"Because I am the reason she was attacked by the Snakes. Heard Snivellus and Regulus talking about it. Wanted to wring that little shite's neck then and there…" Sirius broke off and James was shocked at the sheer rage he saw on his friends face. It never failed to surprise James how Sirius could go from one emotion to another so quickly.

James was shaken from his thoughts by Sirius' next question, "You know what the moral of the story is, Prongs?"

"What?" James asked, once again dumbfounded by the suddenly thoughtful expression on Sirius' face.

"That love is not just about romance, or sappy poetry or magnanimous gestures. Love is feeling like I'm going to spontaneously combust without that person being around, and right now, I think I'm going to spontaneously combust"

This time James didn't think. He simply gathered his best friend in a tight hug. For a second, Sirius didn't react. James' was about to move away when he felt Sirius return the hug and his shoulders' started to shake and James felt more than heard the sobs coming out of his friend. He didn't say anything though, just kept patting Sirius' back the way his dad had done for him when he was younger.

At 17-years-old, James Potter, for the first time, felt like war touch him, however lightly, and he made a silent vow to himself that he'd do anything and everything in his power, even if it meant giving his own life, to keep his loved ones safe.

At 17-years-old, Sirius Black, for the first time, lost someone he truly loved. And learnt that sometimes, love means having to let go.


	6. 19 years old

Disclaimer: I'm not Jo, the world of Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling.

 **19 years old.**

A tinkling laugh hit his ears and Sirius grimaced at the sound of it while he took a long drag from the cigarette handing off his fingers. As he attempted to blow smoke rings into the night air (though he was admittedly completely rubbish at it. Remus, on the rare occasion that he smoked pulled them off perfectly), Sirius reflected upon the reason he was sitting alone on the front porch of the house he shared with Remus. He could hear the noise coming from the people gathered inside his house to celebrate his nineteenth birthday. Absently waving his wand to stave off the early winter chill, Sirius decided that turning nineteen, so far, sucked Hippogriff balls.

He grimaced once again as he heard James say something criminally sappy to Lily and briefly considered changing into Padfoot and going to the park across the street for a walk. However, before he could do any such thing he heard the front door open.

"That is going to kill you one day, you know that right?" Lily Evans asked as she sat on the steps beside him.

Sirius gave a dark humourless chuckle. "Well, that's one way to go, Evans. Going up in smoke. Better than the standard issue AK that seems so commonplace nowadays."

Lily scowled but her expression was lost in the darkness. They sat silently for a while before the quiet started getting to Sirius.

"What are you doing here, Evans? Shouldn't you be inside snogging Prongs in a corner?"

Lily didn't miss the slight bitterness in his voice but decided to ignore it. Instead she turned to take a good look at him. Taking in the furrow of his brow and the tightness around his mouth she decided to go for the metaphorical kill.

"He thinks you're mad at him, you know?"

Sirius turned to her in shock. "Prongs? That's a load of bollocks. Why would I be mad at him?"

Lily shrugged. "I know it is not him you're mad at. It is me. You don't like me much, do you?" she raised her hand to forestall Sirius' answer and continued, "I see it you know. Don't lie" she finished with a defiant look in her eyes.

Sirius snorted. "I don't dislike you. I just dislike what you're doing to Prongs. I mean for six years you could barely stand the sight of him and then all of a sudden you're all gooey eyed and snogging him in dark corners. I let it pass thinking you're going to give it up once Hogwarts is over. I don't get it. And Prongs, he won't see it. That wanker has been in love with you for years. He has forgotten us all, all the plans we made for our post-Hogwarts years for you. And I'll be honest, Evans, I sometimes feel you're just stringing him along, and he follows you like a lost puppy. I hope I am wrong, Evans, but if you are planning to break his heart, trust me, that what I do will make what Death Eaters do to Muggleborns seem tame in comparison."

Lily remained quiet for a moment. Taking it all in.

"You know Sirius, I should be hacked off for what you just said, and Merlin is my witness that I have every right to reintroduce you to the end of my wand, but I won't. You know why? Because this oddly part possessive, part threatening and part petulant speech of yours tells me more about Jame and you than the seven years at Hogwarts did. You love him, don't you? You're envious because he is spending all his time with me. But you're also afraid that now that Hogwarts is over, James is going to abandon you for me. Do you know what he talks about when he is with me? You. It is always Sirius this, Sirius that, telling me stories about all the mischief the both of you got to. All the pranks. He may be physically spending all his time with me, but most of the time, the most important thought in his head is you. He is just allowing you to find your own footing in this world now that school is a thing of the past."

Lily wanted to laugh at Sirius' expression. He looked torn between defiance and apology. Instead, she just cuffed him around his head fondly.

"Now to answer your question, Sirius, I am here because I needed permission from you."

Sirius looked at her, his eyebrow raised.

Lily faltered for a moment before continuing; "I have already spoken to Mr. and Mrs. Potter about this. You're the only one remaining and your permission is paramount."

Never one to be patient, Sirius snarled. "Oh for Merlin's sake, out with it, Evans."

Lily took a deep breath and looked at Sirius straight in the eye, "I am planning to ask James to marry me. Mr. and Mrs. Potter have already given their express permission; of course they thought this to be awfully unorthodox. So now it is your turn. James, for all his Gryffindor bravado is terrified of pushing me away, so I know he won't be proposing anytime soon and with times being as uncertain as they are, I don't want to waste it anymore. I love him Sirius. Despite your reservations, I do, and as sappy as it sounds, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. If you think I'm worth your friend, that is."

Sirius looked at her, a little shocked. "Why would you need my permission? And besides, I find it hard to believe that you wouldn't marry James if I don't agree to it. I mean weren't you the one to start that Whoops thing, something about Witches and oppressive patriarchal society? I remember Mary, you and some others from that little group of yours protesting in the Entrance Hall. Sometime in fifth year, wasn't it?" Sirius lips twitched, with a mischievous glint in his eyes he continued, "What was that you'll were chanting? It was some rhyme. I'll have to ask Moony about it."

Lily flushed in embarrassment and smacked him on his arm. "It is W.H.O.O.P.S, not Whoops, Sirius." She sobered and continued, "But coming back to the topic, so, do I have your permission to marry James?"

Sirius cocked his head to the side and pretended to think. "Okay. I have a few conditions though; I have extensive visitation rights, I am named Godfather to any and all future little Potters you may have, I am the Best Man at James' wedding and you'll accompany me to Muggle London tomorrow. There is a bike I have seen that I must have. Such a thing of beauty" he finished with a besotted far away look in his eyes.

Lily laughed, a merry tinkling laugh and this time Sirius didn't grimace. "Done deal."

Sirius slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, "So, Mrs. Potter-to-be, care to celebrate this momentous historic occasion with a cigarette?" he asked, pulling another cigarette out of his pocket.

Lily kissed him on the cheek and snatched the cigarette off his hands. She then lit it with her wand and proceeded to take a long drag of it, looking at the dumbfounded expression on Sirius' face she winked at him. "What? You think I've never smoked before is it? It is a rare indulgence, don't tell James about it."

As he continued to share the rest of the cigarette in silence, 19-year-old Sirius Black realised two very important things. One; love sometimes meant having to share those you love with others. Two; never, ever, underestimate Lily Evans.


End file.
